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far away places make me feel closer to you [userpic]

its been years

January 18th, 2006 (10:33 pm)

in my head/in my heart: drained
whispers in my ear: tori amos-me and a gun

im super stressed about money and school. after talking to a few people in money related offices at nmsu, i went and had a big girly crying fit in my car. i fought the urge to burn, but it got even harder to control today when i went back to nmsu and found out how truely fucked i am. this actualy made me go and throw up. i can't fucking breath. i can't sleep for too long at night. from the stress and nightmares. the nightmares being triggered by being on campus near the dorms, and by what took place in dec. fuck this life, truely and completely.

you give up, you're done. well how convenient that you can chose such things after you make me question everything about myself, yet again. after you give me a reason to start doing drugs and burning myself again. so i hope this running from who you are thing works out. im not running even though i have all the reason in the world to. be a man and face yourself. i have to face who i am every second for the rest of my life. we all do.
please call me when you are ready to stop running from this.


Posted by: Belkev (dabelkev)
Posted at: January 19th, 2006 02:32 am (UTC)

I may not have said this lately but I prolly should have. I love you and you are absolutely amazing. With what you have dealt with ovewr the last few years shows pure inner strength. No hero's No idols No leaders just pure inner strength.